What is that is this pull you have over me? Where did this come from? My mind, body, & soul want to be near you. They want to learn from you. They want to be pushed forward by you. They crave the love & compassion your pour forth. They want your friendship. They are so confused by this pull. The inner warrior spirit is screaming to let you be a blessing in the way the universe has intended.
Push away, push them far away, before they truly see the chaos that you are trying to so very hard to change. Push them away before they get through the wall you have built to protect yourself. Push them away before their natural being of love & compassion confuses you more, since it is not something you are used to receiving. The inner demons are laughing at you right now and whispering that you don’t deserve this blessing.
Push vs the pull the never ending battle between what the warrior inside says I deserve & the inner demons laugh and say no you don’t. For now the answer is compromise. The warrior won when the fear was spoken, but the demons won with the pushing away, at least for now. The warrior grows stronger each day. The warrior grows stronger with each truth shared, even when it makes you want to throw up. The warrior grows stronger when she hears that there is still a path back to the healing place. The warrior grows stronger with each page read, each self care act, and each acceptance of help. The warrior grows stronger and she WILL win in the end and the demons will become nothing but a distant memory.