How many words a day do you speak? How many words a day do you hear? How many words a day do you read? How many words a day do you write? Words are so powerful in any format. They can build you up. They can tear you down. They can make you laugh. They can make you cry. They can give you hope. They can make you fearful. They are love. They are hate. They are our most powerful weapon for hurting and healing.
When I was young I used the written words of so many authors to escape my life, to go to a place where I did not have to think about anything but falling in love with the characters. The power of written words gave me a reprieve from the pain that I was in, when I didn’t have my own words to explain to my family or later my friends what I was feeling. Now I read words of inspiration to help me on my path of healing and to help me focus on being true to myself. Although, I still love a good book that can make me fall in love with the characters. When I was young I often used written words to try and communicate with my mom about the depth of my pain, but even those words often fell short of being the whole truth of the storm brewing inside of me. Today I am using the power of the written word to help me on my journey via this blog. It is allowing me to put into words those things that have been trapped inside and share my truth with people who are strangers, people who are new to my life, people have only known parts of me, people who have known me for most of my life, and people who are family. I am no longer afraid and with the help of my inner warrior I am put my truth into writing for all to see. I am putting my truth on record to heal myself and maybe, just maybe, give hope to others. I am putting my truth in writing because my words deserve to be heard.
One truth of my life is that my soul has been scarred by spoken words from people that said they loved me. My soul has been torn to pieces each and every time I was told I was unworthy, I was ugly, I was fat, I was crazy, I was a bad mom, I was a failure, and more. I let their spoken words become my truth. I let their spoken words keep me from loving myself. I let their spoken words deprive me of happiness. I let their spoken words control my thoughts about who I am. I let their spoken words keep my warrior spirit locked up in her cage behind the wall I built. I let their spoken words kill my spirit for years. Yes, using the word let is purposeful, because during all those years I let their words define me by making the choice to stay where I was and take it until I could take it no more. I let it happen for far to long and for different reasons. I let it happen until I made the choice to finally put an end to the scarring. I let it happen until I made the choice to walk away in order to protect myself. I let it happen until I made the choice to learn the lesson they taught me. I let it happen until I made the choice that their words could no longer control my spirit. I have learned from each of these times and they are not lesson I would wish on anybody, but they were lessons I needed. I have learned how to forgive somebody because I was able to recognize that the pain they feel in their own soul is manifested in the cruel words. That their souls were not ready for the immense love that is in my soul. That their souls need repair too and that until they do the work themselves they will always be at war inside of themselves. My soul is able to forgive them and in that act of forgiveness my scars fade away to almost nothing and my warrior spirit shines brighter. The scars will never completely fade because they are part of my story and will be a reminder to myself that I have endured enough scars from words and that from this point forward I only deserve words that will feed the fire in my soul.
I know I have hurt others with my words in the past and if I could go back and take them back I would. The only thing I can do is say I am sorry that I allowed my pain to cause you pain. I can ask for forgiveness for the wrongs I committed. I take full responsibility and hope they know that those words were spoken from a place of pain that I had not confronted and that it was unfair of me to use words to damage. So if you are somebody that knows me and I have hurt you with me words I want you to know that I am truly sorry and I ask for your forgiveness. Then from this point forward try my best to only use my words to build others up and help them reach their own truths.
Now I am trying to surround myself with words that feed that fire, whether I say them to myself, they come from the people around me, or I read them. I look for words around me that inspire me. I look for words that help me along my path to living my truth freely and completely. I wear bracelets that use words to remind me that I am resilient and that I am protected. If I do find myself reacting to something that does not feed my fire (because it is going to happen), I start repeating my mantra to feed my fire. I use words to heal myself and remind myself that: I am worthy. I am enough. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am loved. I am a warrior and I will not be held back any longer.
Once you find the words to shape your reality, you will truly learn to fly!