Timing

timing 3

 

I was reluctant to go out with you, simply because there were no red flags, and that was e new feeling for me. I was reluctant to go out with you, simply because the comfort I felt just from chatting made me nervous. I was reluctant to go out with you, simply because it meant I may be setting myself up for disappointment. I was reluctant to go out with you, simply because I am scared to let anyone even peek through the bricks in my wall. I was reluctant to go out with, but I did.

I was relaxed when I went out with you, simply because you quickly put me at ease. I was relaxed when I went out with you, simply because we were never at a loss for things to talk about. I was relaxed when I went out with you, simply because even in the silence it was comfortable. I was relaxed when I went out with you, simply because you were you and I was me. I was relaxed when I went out with you, and so glad I said yes.

However, I soon realized that we were not in the same place. I was ready to really give it a try, and you were not. I was ready to really put in the time, and you were not. I was ready to put in the effort, and you were not. I was ready, and you were not.

I made the choice to speak my truth, and I shared with you that I was ready, but I knew you were not. I made the choice to speak my truth, and I shared with you how meaningful that short time we spent together was to me. I made the choice to speak my truth, and I shared with you that I think you are an amazing man. I made the choice to speak my truth, and I told you how I really felt and let you go to follow your path. I made the choice to speak my truth, and it was hard but freeing.

I still think of you often and your message today made me smile and shows you think of me too.  I still think of you often and your message today brought back up the disappointment because you are amazing and today you told me that I was too. I still think of you often and your message today reminding me of our time together with a smile and I know you miss it too. I still think of you often and your message of want was flattering, but I know you are still in the same place. I still think of you often, but I know staying away is the best thing for me.

If only the timing was different, than maybe we could continue to feel the comfort. If only the timing was different, then we could be together without fear of being hurt. If only the timing was different, then I could have removed some more bricks to let you in. If only the timing was different, but it isn’t and we are both stuck wanting to see each other. If only the timing was different, but you are where you are and I am where I am on our paths and we both need to go at our own pace. If only the timing was different.

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